Using The BOUNCE Approach®
What’s happening
- The Double Empathy Problem (Damian Milton, 2012) explains that misunderstandings between autistic and non-autistic people are not due to a “lack of empathy” but to differences in communication and perspective.
- Both autistic and non-autistic people can find it hard to interpret each other’s signals, emotions, and intentions.
- Misunderstandings grow when neurotypical ways of being are seen as the “default” and autistic ways are judged as deficits.
- Energy battery impact: repeated misattunement is draining — leaving autistic children feeling unseen, and non-autistic peers/adults feeling confused.
The BOUNCE Approach®
🖤 B — Body and Nervous System (Inside Tool)
- Notice stress responses when communication breaks down (shutdown, agitation, withdrawal).
- Use grounding pauses to reset before re-engaging.
❤️ O — Openness to Connection and Attachment (In-Between Tool)
- Value all communication styles equally — spoken words, directness, body language, or silence.
- Build safety by validating differences instead of correcting them.
🧡 U — Understanding Sensory Differences (Outside Tool)
- Recognise that sensory overload can affect how messages are received.
- Adjust environments so both parties can focus on connecting rather than coping with stress.
💚 N — Navigating Emotions (Inside Tool)
- Use visual supports, scripts, or metaphors to bridge gaps in emotional expression.
- Acknowledge feelings on both sides: “A part of you felt misunderstood — and a part of me did too.”
💙 C — Connection to Self and Others (In-Between Tool)
- Practise perspective-taking from both directions: “How might this have looked to them?”
- Encourage peers and adults to adapt, not just expect autistic children to do so.
💜 E — Esteem and Identity (Inside Tool)
- Affirm that autistic communication is valid, natural, and not less than neurotypical styles.
- Celebrate authenticity over conformity.
Adult Focus:
- The Double Empathy Problem reminds us that breakdowns are mutual, not one-sided.
- Inclusivity means everyone flexes, not just autistic children.
- Respect difference, challenge deficit models, and model curiosity in relationships.
Next Steps
- Explore further learning:
- Being Neurodivergent-Affirming: The BOUNCE Approach® — practical ways to build inclusive communication.
- Theory of Mind — supporting children to understand perspectives without pathologising difference.
- Restorative Justice — repairing misattunement and restoring trust in relationships.
- Family Coaching: Learn strategies to reduce communication stress at home and strengthen mutual understanding. Click here
- Join the Learning Portal: Access 80+ trainings and resources to embed neurodivergent-affirming practice in classrooms, homes, and professional settings. Click here
👉 The Double Empathy Problem reminds us: it’s not about fixing autistic people — it’s about building bridges of mutual understanding.
