Using The BOUNCE Approach®
What’s happening
- Many children become dysregulated when faced with constant instructions or demands (“Do this now,” “Sit down,” “Stop that”).
- For neurodivergent children, or those already close to the edge of their Window of Tolerance, direct commands can feel overwhelming or controlling.
- Declarative language shifts the focus from demands to shared observation and curiosity. Instead of telling a child what to do, we describe what we notice or wonder about.
- Energy battery impact: declarative language reduces pressure, helping children preserve energy and stay open to co-regulation.
The BOUNCE Approach®
🖤 B — Body and Nervous System (Inside Tool)
- Declarative language lowers nervous system threat by removing “must/should” phrasing.
- It helps keep the body in a calmer state by reducing demand pressure.
❤️ O — Openness to Connection and Attachment (In-Between Tool)
- Builds trust by creating collaboration instead of compliance.
- Examples: “I notice the blocks are all over the floor” or “I wonder what we could use to fix this?”
🧡 U — Understanding Sensory Differences (Outside Tool)
- Reduces the sensory load of being “told off” or bombarded with demands.
- Allows children to process at their own pace in environments where demands can feel overwhelming.
💚 N — Navigating Emotions (Inside Tool)
- Invites children to reflect: “I can see you look worried about this work” rather than “Do your work.”
- Helps children name emotions without shame.
💙 C — Connection to Self and Others (In-Between Tool)
- Encourages children to join problem-solving: “We need to get ready — I wonder what should go in the bag first?”
- Builds social reciprocity without power struggles.
💜 E — Esteem and Identity (Inside Tool)
- Affirms children’s autonomy: they are participants, not passive recipients of instructions.
- Promotes self-agency, reinforcing the message that their contributions matter.
Adult Focus:
- Start small — switch one demand into a declarative statement each day.
- Use tone and body language that communicates calm observation, not sarcasm or hidden criticism.
- Remember: declarative language is an invitation, not a trick — keep it authentic.
Next Steps
- Explore further learning:
- Declarative Language training — practical strategies for reducing demand pressure.
- Demand Avoidance — understanding why children resist and how to adapt approaches.
- De-escalation through Co-Regulation — using relational strategies instead of commands.
- Family Coaching: Learn how to bring declarative language into daily routines at home to reduce conflict and increase cooperation. Click here
- Join the Learning Portal: Access 80+ trainings and printable resources that help shift from compliance-based systems to connection-based support. Click here
👉 Declarative language isn’t about being indirect — it’s about creating safety, curiosity, and collaboration so children stay regulated and connected.
