🌿 The Double Empathy Problem in School Practice
What it is — and how LEGO®, Comic Strips & Theory of Mind fit
💬 What is the Double Empathy Problem?
The Double Empathy Problem (Milton, 2012) suggests that when communication breaks down between autistic and non-autistic people, the difficulty is mutual — not one-sided.
It is described as a “disjuncture in reciprocity.”
In simple terms:
- Autistic and non-autistic people may experience and interpret the world differently.
- Because their communication styles differ, misunderstandings can happen.
- Both parties can struggle to understand each other.
It is not that autistic people lack empathy.
It is that empathy breakdown happens across difference.
That changes how we think about intervention in schools.
🖤 First Principle: We Are Not “Fixing” the Child
Through a neuro-affirming lens:
✔ We are not teaching children to be neurotypical.
✔ We are not encouraging masking.
✔ We are not correcting identity.
We are identifying skill gaps that affect shared communication — and supporting competence within shared environments.
That distinction matters.
🧠 Where the Mismatch Often Shows Up in School
Double empathy breakdown can look like:
- A child being labelled “rude” for being direct.
- A teacher using implied instructions that aren’t understood.
- Sarcasm being taken literally.
- Emotional expression being misread.
- Group work collapsing due to unclear roles.
In these moments, both sides are operating from different assumptions.
The goal is not conformity.
The goal is clarity and reciprocity.
🧱 LEGO®-Based Therapy
Structured reciprocity
LEGO® therapy works well because it:
- Defines roles clearly
- Makes turn-taking explicit
- Creates predictable interaction rules
- Reduces ambiguous social demands
Instead of saying, “Just work together.”
We provide a framework where collaboration is structured.
We are filling gaps in:
- Collaborative negotiation
- Shared attention
- Flexible problem-solving
We are not teaching personality.
We are building functional shared skills.
✏️ Comic Strip Conversations
Making hidden thinking visible
Many double empathy breakdowns happen because thoughts are invisible.
Comic Strip Conversations:
- Draw speech bubbles 💬
- Draw thought bubbles 💭
- Visually map different perspectives
- Slow down social moments
We are not saying: “You should think like this.”
We are saying: “Different people may be thinking different things. Let’s explore that.”
This reduces assumption and increases understanding on both sides.
💬 Theory of Mind Interventions
Perspective awareness without identity change
Through a double empathy lens, Theory of Mind work becomes:
- Making implicit social rules explicit
- Practising prediction in structured ways
- Increasing awareness of how different minds process information
- Strengthening flexibility in shared environments
Importantly, this learning should be reciprocal.
Non-autistic peers benefit from learning:
- Clear language
- Direct communication
- Reduced reliance on implied meaning
- Respect for sensory and communication differences
Empathy is shared work.
🌿 BOUNCE® Reminder: Regulation First
None of this works if the child is dysregulated.
If they are in:
- Yellow (fizzy),
- Orange (wobbly),
- Red (protective),
Cognitive social learning will not embed.
Regulation precedes social reasoning.
💛 Filling Skill Gaps — Not Rewriting Identity
Examples of skill gaps we may support:
- Interpreting indirect instructions
- Managing group negotiation
- Tolerating unexpected change
- Switching between internal focus and external cues
These are environmental survival skills.
Teaching them is not erasing identity.
It is increasing competence within shared spaces.
We hold two truths:
✔ We build skills.
✔ We protect identity.
🚫 What We Avoid
We avoid:
- Forcing eye contact
- Policing tone or facial expression
- Suppressing stimming
- Teaching masking as compliance
If an intervention increases shame or exhaustion, it is not aligned.
🌟 The Outcome
When we understand the Double Empathy Problem properly:
- Responsibility becomes shared.
- Communication becomes clearer.
- Self-esteem improves.
- Conflict reduces.
- Identity remains intact.
The question shifts from:
“How do we make this child fit in socially?”
To:
“How do we reduce mismatch and increase reciprocity?”
That is the difference between fixing a child
and strengthening a relationship.
